|
[27 Oct 2008|11:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Ice Man is Val Kilmer |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Grateful Dead. |
] |
I've been dying to get back into playing/recording music.
I need to quit working so much, it drains me of any inspiration so hard.
I wish i could go to school, play guitar, and go to freedom towne.
I've been looking into the Naropa University in Boulder Colorado.
It seems like a good fit for me...
Im so sick of the East Coast.
|
|
|
[25 Oct 2008|03:40am] |
 The Absurdity of the Human Existence.
"All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beggining. Great works are often born on the street-corner or in restaurantes rolving door. So it is with absuridity. The absurd world more than others derives its nobility from that abject birth. In certain situations, replying "nothing" when asked what one is thinking about may be pretense in a man. Those who are loved are well aware of this. But if that reply is sincer, if it symbolizes that odd state of soul in which the void becomes eloquent, in which the chain of daily gestures is broken, in which the heart vainly seeks the link that will connect it again, then it is as it were the sign of absurdity."
Albert Camus
|
|
|
[13 Aug 2008|01:04am] |
|
monday wednessday friday one to two PM with Mark P. Drost.
|
|
| yellow/red |
[06 Mar 2008|08:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Saves The Day |
] |
Its been an awfully long time since this thing has been updated.
i recently... two months ago moved out of my house and into 119 west hickory e-roc (the armpit of the world).
{I hate winter so much, this shitty cold weather always puts me in such a shitty mind set.}
I have been wondering around these past few months hazey as hell.
Sometimes i wonder how i got into this situation, i wonder how i end'd up being so estranged from alot of people.
Not saying im angry, or that my current friends are assholes, i just feel like things have been awfully messed up lately.
Struggling on my own i have alot of time to think and watch other people, because its my only satisfying outlet on my own problems.
Ive noticed that this world that we live in is a place of complet dissapointment and everyone is just as fucked as the next person.
Also ive been thinking about alot of people, who i dont see anymore, wondering how they are doing, wondering where they are going.
Maybe its completly normal but i just feel like im at some kind of standstill for the moment, a mind block, and the only cure is pure natural sunshine.... i have only been feeling better when we have those freak 60 degree days... and i know that dosent even sound too pleasant, but when your day to day life is blanket'd in ice and snow, that is a god send.
Laundrys done.... i hope things start looking up soon, or i just might loose my mind, or maybe its already gone.
{i cant stop thinking about how much of an asshole i am sometimes}
{sometimes i think i purposely fuck up my relationships for entertainment}
{i feel like im never staisfied with anything anymore...... wtf how is that possible.}
|
|
| disrespect. |
[11 Nov 2007|11:17pm] |
|
I am extreemely angry right now, i havent really felt a need to update this thing in a real long time, but sometimes people just piss me off. First of all, im dating courtney, and i have been dating her for a while, but lately things, for a lack of better words, been going down the tubes for odd reasons. Today i woke up in a sour mood to begin with, so our conversing didnt have much meaning. This past weekend i went to a work party of hers, and it seems that every friend of hers i encounter thinks im a fucking asshole, and a doushe-bag..... now i dont really find myself to be much of an asshole, you know what fuck it im not going to sulk on the internet, im going back to being quite, and reserved, im done talking to people, im done trying to show intrest in people, things, places, im just done with this high school bull . later everyone im going to sit.
|
|
| Nothing can be created or destroyed. |
[09 Jul 2007|01:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Garden State soundtrack. |
] |
So lets see, I havent updated this thing in quite a while now. Alot has changed in this past month that i havent updated about; Currently im listening to the Garden State sound track, which brings me back to two summers ago. A time when i had no idea what Garden State was. I just think of how much i have changed, how much time changes me, and everyone i know, and care about. Im very glad to announce that i have finnally quit smoking, yes i know that ive said this before, and gone back to the horrid habbit, but im on this new medicine, Chantix, its a wonderful medicine, i have absolutely no craving for a ciggertte what so ever, smoke smells rotten, sour, and nasty. I finnally started tasting my food again, smelling everything around me to its fullest, just feeling and laughing, i feel so much better. Im glad i decided to quit, and not for anyone but myself. It feels wonderful to consider myself a non-smoker now, "smoking, or non-smoking." now i can awnser proudly, "NON! smoking." I just feel like growing up is so many changes... everyone has changed, i have changed, im continously and will continuosly be changing, and hopefully learning. Someday when im passing on, i just want to say, "Louis Leffler, you lived a full and happy life." of course there are bumps in the road/path, but without those bumps we wouldnt devlop who we are, and what we value. I dont know if anyone else has ever gotten this feeling, but i just feel like even though i know im learning, and growing, sometimes i really take a close look at who im surrounding myself with... are my friends, really being my friends when im looking, and when im not looking (hitting on my girlfriend) or possibly just making fun of me to my face. I mean i know they dont mean anything by it, but its just like, your my boy, and i know im your boy, and we all trust each other, just idk, i would really like some respect... i dont know if i should say something or what... i really dont know what to say about it, or if i should say anything, so if anyone has any input, please leave it. Ive been reading in the paper about those girls who died in the crash for the last week or so, and everytime i read the words "Firey crash" i get the chills up my spine.... and ugh its just so sad. I didnt know any of the girls, i mean, i knew who they were, but i wouldnt have ever talked to them, and never them to me, though that dosent matter, they are human beings, and its just really sad, and from what ive been reading, beautiful, and well rounded girls. It makes me think of what happens when you die, really, i used to think you just die, i still belive it like two thirds, but that one third of me says, "maybe something magical happens, maybe you become someone else, maybe you go somewhere and stand in a white gown, and sing songs, and have wings.... " Its scary.... what happens...? None of us will ever really know, and thats the scarist part. Nothing can be created or destroyed..... ill leave off on that, yes Nothing can be created, or destroyed.....
|
|
| who do i trust? me! thats who. |
[09 Jun 2007|03:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Postal Service. |
] |
It seems like as i grow older, i learn that people are all pretty much the same. You really cant trust anyone in this world, with what you have to say, or what you try to keep in cofidence with them. It always seems like someone fucks you over someway, somehhow, someday. I watched Scarface today, and it just reminds me of how people can fuck you over, and you cant really trust anyone, from your best friends, to your worst enemys. Just like in the god-father, "keep your friends close, but your enemys closer." My enemys are some of my closest friends. They all seem to rat me out in one way or another. Weather it be trying to make me look like a fool with a girl, by telling them some boldfaced lie about how much of an ass hole i am to them. What kind of friend does that? You dont put down your best friends no matter how much you disagree with what they do, your bond with them is supposed to be stronger. Its a brother-hood, or a sister-hood. You wouldnt disgrace your family, so why your friends in such a bold way?
I really miss the days when i wasnt really friends with a ton of people, and i used to sit around my house and go on walks, and bike rides, and not really care about anything, or anyone else. I miss the days before everyone i knew had a car, and everything included walking. I wish alot of things could happen. I wish i could catch the eye of some respectful girl; im kinnda into this one girl right now, but i really dont know what she thinks of me. She has a boyfriend, and shes probably not into a mess like me. I was into her a very long time ago, and so was she, but shes off to college this year. I just wish i could possibly have a chance with her, she seems like the kind of girl i could have alot of fun with. Such a smart, beautiful girl.
Im taking a summer class right now at MCC. Its pretty bogus, i mean, its a straight course, its just i dont really wanna be taking, one class... it just seems pretty pointless to me.
Hopefully this weekend dosent turn sour on any note.... i really wanna hang out with one certain person..... i just hope i get a chance to sometime this weekend..... i think it really would be wonderful to hang out with her, and spend some time doing all the things i absolutely love to do. Javas, Mendon ponds sunset, mostly mendon ponds sunet, its probably my favorite thing to enjoy with a chica......
welll ladies and gents im tired, and out.
peace, love, happimess,
Louis Brian Leffler,
Planet Earth ,
First Galaxy,
Third planet,
Fairport, N.Y.
14450,
|
|
| Clark Gable. |
[03 Jun 2007|08:03pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Postal Service. |
] |
I was waiting for a cross-town train in the london underground
When it struck me that i've been waiting since birth to find
A love that would look and sound like a movie so i changed
My plans and rented a camera and a van and then i called you
"i need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to
I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and i yelled "quiet on the set"
And then called "action!"
And i kissed you in a stye that clark gable would have admired
(i thought it classic)
I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?
|
|
|
[31 May 2007|02:09am] |
|
<center><table background="#FFFFFF" border="0" style="border: 1px solid black;"width="450"><td align="center">
<b><font size="+1">Louis Leffler --</font></b><br />
<font size="+1">[noun]:</font> <br /><br />A human transformer (Robot in disguise)
<br /><br />
<a style="color: #FF0000;" href="http://www.quizgalaxy.com/quiz.php?id=83">'How will you be defined in the dictionary?'</a> at <a href="http://www.quizgalaxy.com" style="color: #FF0000;">QuizGalaxy.com</a></td></table></center>
|
|
| prototypical nonconformist. |
[27 May 2007|01:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Taking Back Sunday |
] |
So lately ive been showing my face around a differnt party scene.... ive never really been into HUGE rageing partys. I went with Geoff and his friend's Steve, and Brandon. Who are very fucking cool dudes . I sat on friday playing chess with them, then we went to some lauren chicks house, which had over like 150 people packed into her house. We got there at 12:30, and the cops showed up sometime 15 minutes later .... haha, that was a quick party. Then last night i worked, then i went out to Joey Mancusos(SP?) party house. There were alot of people there who ive never really talked to in my life, i smoked a joint and sat next to the fire, it was a pretty chill night.
My birthday was alright, i didnt really do anything to exciting... i went out to lunch, and ice cream with Amanda Ruggeri (SP?) I havent seen that chick in almost a year, shes a pretty rad chica; She seems to have a wicked brain inside her head. She's really smart, its very rare you find beauty and brains. I then came home, took my shower, then went to work... got outta work at 9 came home and unwraped gifts, and a card. I just opend them really quick, since i didnt want to make a huge scene about it. I thanked my parents and quitely slid out the frount door. Tim and ellaine were over at brandons when i showed up, i feel like they hate me for some odd reason, never the less, i played brandon in virtual fighter 5, and i won a couple of matches... then i went home and fell asleep... it wasnt much of a special day, i dont really see it as one, i mean your only a year older.... nothing else really changes, everyone still gives you the same crap, no one really changes in a years time.
Tomorow i think my aunt is having some type of cook-out. I know my dads going to pretend like we get together, and same with the rest of my family. Its the same old routine, he pretends to know so much about me, and i just sit there and laugh and agree. Its funny, like everyone that knows me, louis, sees a completly differnt side of me outside of this house. I only know one person off the top of my head, Jessie, who has seen me inside of the family, and then with my friends. I know she could agree .... im a completly differnt person.
Well i guess thats all i really feel like saying right now, so i hope everyone else is having a wonderful memorial day weekend...
Later,
Louis
|
|
| the trap i set for you has seem to catch my leg instead. |
[23 May 2007|09:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 grumpy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
me without you. |
] |
You totally led me on, and how do you have the nerve to tell me you didnt, and play it off like im some sory of crazied lunatic. Im seriously like shocked that you would deny the fact that you totally led me on... you know you did, and if you dont, then i seriously dont know. Im out i need to go for a walk or something, i just dont understand your logic... i understand now the fact that you find pleasure in this, and that you know exactly how to toy with me.
later,
Louis
|
|
|
[22 May 2007|02:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Your mix C.D. |
] |
Dear Reader:
Why don’t you just hold me down and press my face into cold wet grass. I wish sometimes you’d think before you acted/ spoke. You know nothing in the sorts of love, lust, or relationships... you seem to love everyone/anyone who gives you the least bit of attention, and sometimes I wish you would just weigh out love, and what it actually means to love someone. I’m not here to be like, Yo, Love actually... blah, blah, blah; I’m here to state the obvious, your a liar. I’m more sober right now then ive been in a really long time, and it leads me to believe that nothing is what it seems... EVER. Mortal human beings are not to be trusted in any sort of any right ever, I’m sick and tired of being led on to believe something, fed lies, and then let down. I opened everything to you, and what do you do but (excuse my language) fuck me over. Maybe someday ill wake from this fucking nightmare, maybe someday ill wake up after a cold shower, and a slap to the face. I feel like everyday that ive lived is somewhat a dream, a scripted play, scripted, crafted perfectly....
(EDIT)
[The last part of this entry was really mean.
I didnt feel like hurting you, so i delted it.]
"Which of the bold face lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy
You really deserve it
This will be best for us both in the end"
Louis Brian Leffler
P.S. I just wanna know, were you serious when you said the other night "I wanted to kiss you so badly?" Because if you were why would you then go and tell Erin how in love you are and post livejournal entrys...? Im going to call you tonight, so pick up your phone around 10:30
|
|
| come down stairs and say hello. |
[20 May 2007|03:36pm] |
|
Dear Green eyes,
What i did last night to hold myself back from completely just grabbing you and closing my lips upon yours for a kiss thats been long awaited. I miss you alot, and its horrid to have to hold back from expressing it. I just wanna hold you in my arms again and kiss you, and cuddle, and fall alseep under my blankets; warm and secure again. Please just grant me one wish... My new years resolution was to hold you back in my arms by summer, and it seems possibly maybe ill get my wish for once in my life. I lost you almost 6 months ago, its horrid, i miss you so much. You were so beautiful gracing that fridged spring night in your white summer dress, your green eyes slightly glowing in the faint glimmer of a porch light, holding you felt so right. Hopefully i get to talk to you tonight when i get outta work, untill then, have a beautiful grogggy rochester day.
Every night when im falling alseep your voice is repeating in my head.
Love,
Louis
|
|
|
[16 May 2007|11:36pm] |
|
I hope you absorbed everything i talked to you about tonight on the phone.
Thats all i have to post about right now.
Louis
|
|
|
[15 May 2007|01:46pm] |
good mood as of late.
summer summer summer.
i fucking love the warm weather.
the sun beating down on my face.
oh man.
its here.
and im almost 19
WOOOOOOOO
May 24th nears
and another year is done in my chapter book of life.
insane.
im getting old.
|
|
|
[12 May 2007|01:00am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Beirut "postcards from italy" |
] |
Sad Note
its nothing to you, i just love to push people away in the worst way possible. Im sorry, ever so much to hurt you; but you must realize its who i am, im horrible at ending anything. So please take nothing personal as i know you have already. Im just not ready for anyone new... im sorry .... ill use the name justice, for the short hand of that is part of your name. So yes, "justice" im sorry, ever so sorry, im just horrible at endings.
Happier note:
I went tonight to go see mike doughty with ernie and his lover kaitlyn (im a horrible speller im most sorry). It was a wonderful adventure, after we went to matt jessie's appt. There we met ashligh and her love, and pat edleman (SP?) yes it was very fun, i had to end the night early because my sable is in the car hospital, and drove my dads very comfy, yet noisey bravada; hopefully my sable gets fixed soon ... for summer is nearing, and i would have nothing better to do than roam around this weary house untill my feet chave and bleed, unless the sable is in my life. Then i had a surprise at my frount door, it was a most surprising face to see at 11 oclock at night, but a most wonderful face to see at anytime never the less. Talked for a moment, then for another later on, on the tele'. Hopefully i get the liliac fest sometime this week, for the romantic smell of liliacs is pleasent to my nose and soul. It makes me realize that my birthday is nearing even closer (WOOT!). Oh and ernie burned me three wonderful CD's Beirut "Gulag Orkestar" Little Wings "Light Green Leaves", and Mount Eerie "11 old songs". My favorite of the three is Beirut "Gulag Orkestar, the mans voice is very beautiful, and the song postcards from italy just touchs my soul in many most wonderful ways. I love the lyric, " I will love to see that day, That day is mine. When she will marry me outside with the willow trees, And play the songs we made. They made me so, And I would love to see that day ..Her day was mine " A tune of complete nostalgia and love fits in with this mood ive been having continuously for the past few days now.... but never the less it is getting late i should head to bed, or possibly get an apple from wegmans, yummy yum yum yum apples. Goodnight everyone.
|
|
|
[11 May 2007|10:00am] |
|
want you to take me to the H,
take me to the O,
want you to take me to the S,
take me to the P,
want you to take me to the I- T- A- L.
so they are playing in buffalo on my birthday...
May 24th
town ballroom.
whose going with me for the insane dance party?
then probably canada cause im 19, and i can drink there now.
party? Oh and ive been talked to someone who i havent for a while.
it feels nice to just have clarification in the situation.
and to be on speaking terms, hearing her voice just feels nice, and securing.
thankyou for talking to me again.
|
|
|
[07 May 2007|10:09am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Death cab for cutie "transatlanticism" |
] |
Its funny how you can wake up .... i mean really open your eyes, and you can accually see so many things that you havent seen in a while. You see grass, and warm august nights, you see cold december fights, you see the stars from the driver seat over a weary town on a summers night. You open your eyes and standing there is a voice and a face, a pair of green eyes, and ruby red lips, sing alongs, concerts, and laughs. I know what everyones been singing about in all those songs i listen to now. I understand ben giffard, i understand mike kinsella, i understand chris connelly, those calls into a weary sun blisterd mourning; smoke rising towards the blue spring sky. It seems with the melting of snow i would hope my mind would have melted you out, but it seems that its just melted you into a burning image, burning memories in my brain. It dosent help to wake up and see you glimering past my doorway, or hearing your voice from my bedroom laughing and talking of a new lover. I understand your probably happy, and thats wonderful its all i could have wished, it really is. I just dont understand how you can compare diamonds to perfectly crafted mix tapes, and a car full of flowers. I understand that fighting isnt always love, but if its what you grew up around you probably bound to do it yourself for no reason at all. Ive learned alot in this short life ive lived so far.... ive spent almost 2 days awake, ive worked over 24 hours in 2 days.... so forget about this and dont press me upon it, lets just say its just one of those emotional rants of mine. I just wish one day youd stop and say, "hey, how have you been doing?" and i can respond "empty." Its just something i wish i had the balls, and brains to say. I just hope you read this.... i just wanted to let you know that ive forgotten nothing. The day i brought you my graphing calculator and a whatcumacalit, the summer days spent in my bed, and those cold winter nights on the couch sleeping, soundly, and im sorry my snoring always kept you up. "Its over louis.... just forget it." ..... "theres nothing left." ...... but yet if it was only that easy, so goodmourning everyone, good day, its off to MCC to continue my summer registration, then off to my second job, then finnaly a day off to lay in the spring sun, and possibly think some more.
Louis
|
|
|
[28 Apr 2007|04:47am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
modest mizzouse |
] |
Ive been thinking to much.... I wanna do a 6-7 minute piano tune with someone reading this aloud to the boulder audience this upcoming wednessday, if anyones interested let me know. I need a good voice, because i cant talk and play piano at the same time....
Eyes wide staring into the mirror, the constant beat pumping a concentrate of mixed liquid and a unsteady amount of pharmaceuticals; im a lost child of history, storming through the halls of a never under high school teen drama. The main character I stand composed in front of few. The church states its opinions; the parents condemn me for trying to figure it out. My answer does now lie in something I cannot see, something I’ve never felt, atheist, I believe in nothing. A cellular life, a lapse moment of history, how will I sign my mark upon this world. My dying breath won’t be about some god, it won’t be about a woman, or my teen angst. I want it to be something special. Every night I see a new face, stand up in front of a panel of judges, spilling the inner depths into the audience. They say something important flooded by a 3, maybe 4, chord progression. Everyone seems to have knowledge in your life; you pick it up as you go. You learn there’s beauty in simplicity. I’ve learned people are fucked up creatures; we thrive upon the downfall of others, slowing down a car crash just so we can see a dead body. We fornicate because of the inner beast we have inside that says, to be truly happy you need to have someone on the end of you genitailia, “loving” you. What is love, what is happiness, is happiness a pill? Something you carry in your pocket unleashing it into your mouth chomping on something bitter, white, and slimy. Do you know what happiness is, have you ever truly felt it? Do you know what love is? Have you ever TURELY felt that? I want to be everywhere but here, where I am. I want to believe in everything, and yet nothing. I close my eyes; I tune into a slow explosion of sound into my ears, im depending on this journey, please take me, I want to feel something again….. please let me feel.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
thejollypostman's journal